Katie’s Musings: #MeToo Nov 3, 2017 | News #MeToo It’s taken me awhile to figure out how to put my complicated thoughts on this into print, and I know that our collective digital 5-minute-compassion-attention span has moved on to other things, but…. Yes. Absolutely. #metoo. The time that immediately jumps to my mind was being pressed up against a washing machine whilst at a cast party during my theater days. I was young and he was drunk, and he grabbed my hand as I passed by, whipping me around and pinning me between wall and washer. He buried his head in my neck and clutched me around the waist and pulled me close. I happen to have a lot of leg-leverage and the wingspan of a large albatross, so I very swiftly and neatly removed myself from the situation. He never did such a thing again. I don’t mind sharing this. I don’t find it or any of my personal #metoo experiences difficult to talk about. I am not personally a victim, have never felt like a victim, and have no interest in feeling like one. If I’m being honest, I worry that along with all the good #metoo has done for gender awareness, it might also further the narrative of “woman = victim” or “woman = something a dude has to protect.” And that narrative is something I cannot personally get behind as being the prevailing narrative of the female-identifying existence narrative. Again (and this is VERY important) that’s all just me. The existence of being a woman in this world is not homogeneous. #Metoo’s show up in a different ways for different women. Mine have been relatively minor. And I know I’m very, very lucky on that point. BUT ….. I still remember it, years later. Probably because it was one of the first times that such a thing had ever happened to me. Tall, gangly, brainy, awkward girls don’t get that stuff as much… which actually proves that patriarchy, gender identity and norms, and inequality join together to have a tight hold of this world. We crave order amongst the chaos of life, and the best way to create order is to devise concrete explanations of existence. “This is good, that is bad, this is a guy thing and this is a girl thing, and this is just locker room talk, and as long as those things are true, my life has some order, so… great. Carrying on.” The thing is that today’s “locker room talk” is inevitably going to become tomorrow’s “locker room talk” unless we decide differently and then commit, and sorry dudes, but it’s probably going to rest on you quite a bit. If there’s anything we’ve learned from the past year in our nation’s history, it is that it’s one thing to change what it’s ok to say in public. It’s quite another thing entirely to change what is said behind closed doors and in the privacy of locker rooms and homes. And unfortunately it’s the latter from which our children learn, and the latter from which policy is most often made. So… hey there, gentlemen. #Metoo has shown you a glimpse into the daily reality of women; yes, even tall, gangly, brainy, awkward ones. This is really what most of us experience. In big ways and small, and every day of our lives, and I’m glad you are willing to see it and acknowledge it in the way so many of you have. I truly appreciate the apologies I’ve seen, the stunned recognition of this reality women have been living in for generations and eons and ages and depth of it’s permeation of our culture. Thank you for seeing us, for your vows of protection, of being better, etc. The thing is, I personally need neither your apologies nor your pity nor your protection, I simply need you to speak up in those spaces I am not welcome or present. In the locker room, the next time someone suggests their wealth and status means they can do what they like to women, correct him. At home, the next time your grandpa can’t figure out what happened to women’s senses of humor nowadays, let him know. In a meeting room, the next time a superior makes a crack about how short a coworker’s skirt is, remind him her human worth doesn’t lie in her skirt length. At a bar, in church, at when you are in those spaces where we are not welcome/not present and the reduction of a female-identifying human comes up… that’s exactly where we need you. Now, I very much realize this is potentially uncomfortable for you. But you saw all the #metoos – we women-folk are uncomfortable on a pretty regular basis. And if a little discomfort is too much to ask of you to change the whole course of human existence? Well, then I’m sorry but I’m going to have to question your commitment to this noble cause in the first place. Yup. #MeToo. So… now what?
