Scott’s Column: A Pastoral Word for Young LGBTQ+ People After the Election

For young people, particularly young LGBTQ+ people.

I know that the election results have left you confused, sad, afraid, heartbroken, and angry.  These are proper emotions for what has happened.  Now is a time for lament and grief.  And in this time of deep emotions, I offer these pastoral thoughts.

First, politics can and will be heartbreaking, more than once in your life.  Your side will lose vital elections.  Bills you work hard to pass, will fail, and vice versa.  Your hopes and dreams will only sometimes be realized.  And those times when you are triumphant will feel glorious.

So you must be sure that your sense of identity, meaning, and purpose are not primarily shaped by your politics.  Find those in something bigger and more lasting.  For example, people of faith let their religion and spirituality shape their identity, meaning, and purpose.  Other pursuits like art, culture, scientific exploration, and sports work for people too.  Be grounded, rooted, centered in something other than politics.

Find your community, your safe spaces.  Or even create them if you must.  Our LGBTQ+ community has always created our own spaces where we can be our authentic selves and find caring and supportive friends.  Clubs, organizations, social groups, sports leagues, churches, etc. all exist.  Find your place to belong.

And have your group of core friends, what we call our “family of choice,” to be your closest allies and support.

Second, I believe we may have failed you in not preparing you for the world as it actually is.  After the highs of the Obama years and winning the struggle for marriage equality, we did enter a new phase in which LGBTQ+ folks have been able to live more openly and freely with much broader mainstream acceptance.

Maybe this election is a wake-up call that we have not come as far as we thought.  But, if so, we do have traditions, skills, creativity, and resources to draw upon.  We should remind ourselves that it was only 21 years ago that the Supreme Court said that laws banning gay sex were unconstitutional.  And not long before that majorities were still opposed to LGBTQ+ people.  Yet, even during the injustices of that time we could live rich, full, joyful lives.  In fact, doing so was part of our defiance and subversion, our challenge to the injustices.

We changed the world back then by living our lives and working to persuade people and institutions, to change their hearts and minds, to see us and eventually to welcome us.  Clearly this work continues.  And, yes, it involved emotional labor, and we wish we were past it, but it seems that we are not.

So, we must protect ourselves from those who would do us harm, while also finding ways to engage and try to educate and persuade folks from the majority of the electorate who voted for Donald Trump.  We cannot hold half our fellow citizens in contempt or fear if we are to be successful in the long-term work of securing our civil rights and the opportunities for us to flourish.  And part of our challenge is to present our model of the world and how to live as more compelling and fun (which shouldn’t be difficult to do).

And in the midst of that on-going work, you’ll need to retreat and renew among like-minded folks where you belong.  So finding your community, your family of choice, your safe spaces and fun places, is vital.

Sometimes these losses feel more devastating than other times.  Sometimes after a loss, we need a break from politics and advocacy.  It’s okay to take breaks and take care of yourself.  Be sure you have good self-care practices.

And balance those with how to remain engaged in the work we have to do.  Find your avenues for being part of the educational, persuasive, creative, and political work going forward, that fits your gifts, temperament, and passions.

Do be informed and keep aware.  Study up on what is happening and the most effective ways to respond.  There are lots of great resources on defending democracy and human rights and organizing ourselves for justice.

My final pastoral word is do not let them take your joy.  As hard as it might be right now, as down as you might feel, a joyful queer person is an act of subversion and dissent and a witness for a better world.  This is one reason gay clubs were so important, and sometimes when the worst things happened, we went dancing.  To feel alive and sexy in our bodies and the sense of community with each other, and to let it all out.

In the next few years there will be moments that call for our outrage and despair, but we cannot live in those emotions every day.  Nor will we be successful if we respond to everything with our anger set to volume 10.  We must use discernment, both for our own health and well-being and for the success of our movement.

So, find the things that you enjoy, that give you joy, that express your joy, that are fun.  Things to do alone and with friends.  The other day I was cooking breakfast and put on some of my favorite music (just so happened to be the very lesbian Indigo Girls) and grooved and danced while I was cooking.

These are acts of defiance.  Our opponents do not get to ruin our lives, they do not get to dominate our emotions, we will not grant them that power.

Let’s be there for each other and keep each other safe.  Our community has done this before, and we can do it again.  And I believe right and truth, good and beauty and love are on our side.  These are the greatest things.